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Ministry Pitfalls

(Taken from ´Ministry Pitfalls´ by Jack Frost www.shilohplace.org)

1. The Pitfall of Commitment to Ministry over Commitment to Family

"But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever" (1 Timothy 5:8).

"He must handle his own affairs well, attentive to his own children and having their respect. For if someone is unable to handle his affairs, how can he take care of God´s church?" (1 Timothy 3:4-5 The Message)

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word..." (Ephesians 5:25-26).

"You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honour as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered" (1 Peter 3:7).

Less than 5% of church leaders who were recently surveyed have regular devotions or prayer time with their spouse. Yet the above verses imply that intimacy in marriage is the source of authority and anointing in our lives and ministries. Our most important ministry is that which takes place in our family. All other is secondary! All other is "wood, hay, and stubble" if our ministry does not flow out of a relationship with our families!

The Dangers that Neglecting Family for Ministry Creates

  • Poor communication begins to develop at home and creates cracks in all our relationships because they will be based upon our own need.

  • God has designed our spouse to be a physical haven of rest and a place where we receive His love through their touch and affection. When this is neglected we lose a sense of comfort and may start seeking comfort and love in all the wrong places.

  • We may end up giving too much of what belongs to our family away to others and this results in hidden anger and resentments in or family.

  • The flow of anointing begins to wane so we enter into spiritual masturbation trying to stir up the anointing as it drains away at home.

  • The voice of the Lord begins to grow dim. We begin losing intimacy with God and turn to works and busyness to make up for the loss.

  • Because of the lack of intimacy with our spouses, they may feel our pain (burden bearing) and take it as a problem in the marital relationship. They may enter into depression or discouragement. That is why we should share everything with our spouse. We must let them know when we are stressed or carrying heavy loads in order to free them from the pain they are feeling come from us. We do not protect them by hiding things from them. This wounds them.

  • We carry others burdens all the time as leaders. Our spouses can double the heavy load if we neglect them. We end up taking their suggestions as criticism or them trying to control us. We lose the treasure of the gift of wisdom and discernment God has given to us in our spouses.

  • We end up making and breaking promises to our spouses and children, as others´ crisis seem more important than family at the moment.

  • When our family is hurting from our neglect we end up putting unreal expectations for them to act like everything is good when they are at church. This causes them to fear failure and hidden anger begins growing inside of them towards us.

  • The family begins to wear a religious mask, and the leader imparts the same spirit to his followers.

    • How to avoid this Pitfall

  • First, we need the conviction that ministry, should flow out of what God is doing within the home and family (2 Timothy 5:8; Ephesians 5:25-28; 6:4; 1 Peter 3:1-7).

  • Make family needs a priority over ministry needs: a meal together each day, times of play and laughter, times away from the phone and interruptions. Family members need to feel that they are more important than others in your life.

  • If your spouse is not your source of comfort in the natural realm then there may be a need for personal ministry or counsel to expose the darkness and to release truth and healing into this area.

  • Be sure that several times a week that the husband and wife have some intimate times of personal prayer, conversation, and ministry to and with each other.

    • 2. The Pitfall of Burden Bearing and Defilement

    "Bear one another´s burdens, and thus fulfil the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2).

    Burden bearing is when we draw the pain and grief of others unto ourselves. It is the suffering we feel when we are used to help bring healing or life to others who are hurting. For leaders it may be the Sunday afternoon blahs or headache from handling all the pain on Sunday morning. It may be the pain or discouragement we feel after having to deal with a very wounded or grief stricken family during the week.

    Burden bearing is the ability for our spirit to pick up and identify with another person´s spirit. It is to empathize or to share their emotional pain. This can be done when in the same room with a person or done from long distances. This can bring great blessings and healing to others or it can become a pitfall for us if we so not understand it.

    The Dangers created when we lack an understanding of Burden Bearing and Defilement

  • We are in danger of taking the pain of others upon our own selves and then owning it as our own pain.

  • It may cause us to lose our joy or sense of peace and rest. It can steal our sleep at night by bombarding us with negative or heavy thoughts.

  • We are in danger of taking the pain home to our families and imparting it to them or taking it out on them.

  • We are in danger of being defiled by the impurity of others.

    • The Defilement from empathetic Burden Bearing

  • Sometimes someone is so wounded that you just want to take him or her in your arms and give them a safe hiding place and make the pain go away. You should never do this if it is a member of the opposite sex. The temptation can be strong if you are a burden bearer.

  • When listening to sexual problems of others we can allow sexual thoughts to enter into our minds and then begin replaying them later on.

  • The other person may have sexual or lustful thoughts towards us that we feel and then we take those thoughts and desires as our own.

  • What if it becomes our own thoughts and emotions? We can never act on immoral things. Time is our friend and haste is an enemy. Talk with your spouse or an accountability person and receive prayer and ministry. If the spouse reacts negatively, the spouse is no longer considered a safe place, a place of rest, comfort, and protection.

    • The Pitfall of Spiritual Adultery

    Spiritual adultery is when we give to someone other than our spouse the position of comforting us in the natural realm. It occurs when we make another person our source of emotional intimacy or the ´safe place´ where we go to share our deepest needs, concerns, or desires. Even though we may say we would never have an affair, we find ourselves bonded in unhealthy emotional ways to someone other than our spouse.

  • It is in our spouse that we recharge our emotional batteries when they have been depleted (Proverbs 5:18-19).

  • Any of the previous pitfalls can be the open door that leads us into spiritual adultery.

  • Spiritual adultery begins to set in when communication with your spouse begins to diminish but communication with someone else of the opposite sex begins to increase. Sometimes it can be of the same sex and lead to unnatural desires or relations.

  • When emotional bonding occurs than a natural arousal of sexual desires occurs. God meant this to take place in the marital relationship but never outside of the sanctity of marriage.

  • It can be recognized when inside you are spiritually drying up but find emotional excitement increasing when with this person. They make you come alive again and you don´t feel guilty because it feels so good. Eventually, you may leave your spouse and marry the other person, but the same scenario is repeated later on.

  • Being defiled by another´s love need is very difficult to avoid. You minister to those whose spouses give them nothing, and they draw their love supply from you.

    • How to avoid the pitfalls of Burden Bearing and Spiritual Adultery

  • You must daily place the Cross between you and those that you feel are pulling on you or drinking from your love and acceptance.

  • Always share first with your spouse the deep desires and needs of your heart before you share with others or share in a group setting.

  • Be sure your need for love, comfort, and a safe place is met in your spouse.

  • Avoid ministering to the opposite sex without someone else being in the room with you.

  • Let your spouse know when you feel weak or have defiling or tempting thoughts, or if you suspect that someone is drawing on your well. Agree in prayer that no defilement take place. The spouse should pray a hedge of protection daily around you. (Hosea 2:5-7)

  • If at any time you see a name on your calendar that makes you feel good, then refer that person to someone else to receive ministry.

    • "Let us also lay aside every encumbrance, and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the Cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God" (Hebrews 12:1-2).

    E-mail: cfe@connectingforexcellence.com